Letters to God

Usually I am happy with who I am and love my uniqueness. Some days though, that little voice inside tries to get the better of me and convince me I don't fit in and don't belong. Well, I try to remind it that 1) I don't want to fit in, I wasn't made to fit in, God made me an original and why would I want to be anything else, and as for 2) not belonging...that one I struggle with even more. I try not to listen. I go back and forth on my thoughts for this. And please don't take this the wrong, I'm content with life here...but Earth is not my forever home. So maybe I'm not suppose to feel like I belong here. The end result is eternity in Heaven (as a Christian this is my belief but obviously may or may not be yours, please be respectful). Heaven is where I belong....Earth is a holding place. This thought gives me comfort. I don't mean for this to sound morbid or depressing in any way.  Just a little bit of a heavier thinking kind of moment. Processing i

Well, hello! It's been quite some time.  Who knew it would be this long between entries...that I'd, first of all, take such an unplanned break, second that I'd come back. Ha!  Well, here I am. I'm sorry it's been so long. Dear Father, you know I have not neglected You. But perhaps my writing I have.  This seems to be how I connect with You best. And oh how I long to better connect with You. I read my devotionals, but I have such trouble absorbing, I have such trouble following in my day-to-day walk.  I want to be a shining example of Your love and light but this darn human flesh is weak and there are so many distractions.  That's not to say I'm trying to make excuses, it's just fact. I'm definitely a flawed human, but then, aren't we all. That said, I'd like to attempt to recommit to these writings and trying to process my life and processes in a way that I connect better with You. So, goals for the next while: start writing here

Father God, I'm trying to be strong while I grieve, and not fall back into a pit of despair, but the truth is I'm weak.  Very, very weak.  It's only through You that I have strength at all.  As You know, Chloe has joined you up there in Heaven. She was a cherished member of our family for 16 years and we were blessed to have her.  She was special, so very special. To some they say she's just a cat but to us, she was so much more, she was an angel in disguise.  You knew we needed her for a time and you placed her in our lives.  She was with us through so many hard times and good times too.  She used to steal my breakfast right out of my hand when I would be getting ready for school.  She thought peanut butter toast/bagels were great!  She was full of spunk and cat-itude right from the get go and she was a fighter!  We came across her at the mall, a lady was outside the petstore giving away kittens.  Mom was determined we weren't going to have another cat but

Father God, It's been such a long time since I last posted in here.  I just haven't known what to say I guess.  Lately though things seem to be changing and now I find myself reflecting more and wondering more about Your will is and how to be obedient to that and how that fits with my desires. Over the last few years my mental health has become much more stable and I'm finding I'm starting to desire finding a mate.  I know in the past I wasn't in a head space to be in a serious relationship without one heck of a lot of immaturity.  Now I find myself, despite lack of energy, trying to start learning how to prepare a meal and/or how to keep house.  Albeit I'm not doing a great job but I'm at least trying and making improvements. I don't know your plans or your will for my life.  I hope some of my desires match up with some of your plans, time will tell I suppose.  I've accepted that I may not ever find a mate or have children, things I thought at

Well Dad...it's funny sometimes how you work and I love you so much for it! Two weeks to the day after my last message I finally managed to wake up in time, stay awake, and actually get out the door of my apartment and walked the 20 min to the church I've been planning to go to.  Was a hot, humid walk, and I was drenched with sweat by the time I got there...not very pleasant way to make a first impression...oops.  And then imagine my surprise when I walk in and who do I see but two of my neighbours, one of which we haven't been on speaking terms for over 6 months due to some hurtful words said on both our parts in relationship to a cat.  LOL.  It's really quite a back story and I'm not going to get into it right now.... except to say it's been weighing on my heart for a long time.  I thought I was respecting her wishes by not talking to her but I think I've concluded it was more my own hurt and hardened heart that was not talking to her.  Anyway, we've

Dear God, It's been a long time since I've felt led to write here.  For whatever reason, I'm feeling a definite longing to tonight... I'm not really sure where our relationship is...probably best described as a work in progress, and likely it always will be able to be described that way.  I feel like I've been kind of lousy at my end of things but have been doing okay with my Bible readings and devotionals. I haven't been to church since Christmas Eve service...and that I pretty much always make sure to go to.  I know it isn't mandatory but it would be nice to meet and fellowship with some others who are like minded. I'm more aware lately of how lonely I feel and yet I still have the hardest of times getting out with people.  I feel like I'm spinning in circles half the time.  I don't feel like I'm making any progress as time goes by...but I know I must be...and I know you've held me up more then once when I didn't think I coul